Welcome to the blog of Sir Dave where you can find news, appointment availability, new purchases, new ideas and just my thoughts on life work and the world. Oh and maybe the odd photo or collection of photo's I like.
Over the recent weeks, I have received several messages and calls from people asking if I would be happy seeing them because they don’t feel they have the right look, body shape or size. Or that their fantasy is too “odd” or “unusual”.
I’m Sir Dave and like to think of myself as a Professional Kink and Fetish Enabler. For me a really important part of what I do is making sure everyone feels welcome, everyone feels sexy, and everyone gets to enjoy their kink, fantasy or fetish.
Whatever it is.
No judgement, no criticism, no “oh my god really?!” Just a space to indulge your interests and enjoy some fun together.
So I wanted to touch on a few specifics to help you feel comfortable in opening a conversation with me. First of all, let’s talk about bodies. I have said before many times I have no hang-ups about people’s bodies shapes or sizes. Porn and social media generally show the stereotype of a good looking body.
And if we don’t fit into that mould we can be made to feel we aren’t desirable or that we aren’t welcome in the club so to speak. Well, I am here to say you are most definitely welcome in the club!
One question I get is about age … and I can assure you that you are never too old. One of my oldest clients was disappointed he couldn’t come for a spanking on his birthday to celebrate his 80th! But he did get a good 80 whacks a few days later!
I do have one age limit though – you must be over 18 to come for a session. If I don’t think you are, or you look like an incredibly young thirty-year old I may ask for ID. Please don’t get offended – I am just ensuring everyone is safe, and that I am completely happy we are both consenting adults.
So age isn’t an issue, what about body sizes. This is probably the biggest barrier for so many, body confidence. Too thin, too fat, don’t have muscles, don’t have a six-pack, don’t have the right amount of body hair – too smooth, too hairy.
I don’t have a six-pack and I have a belly. But I quite like one. I also like cake and red wine – so it is fortunate I enjoy a bit of fat!
Some people are bigger, they look at a biscuit and feel like they gain half a kilo! But sometimes people are really thin, and their body type and metabolism mean they can’t ‘bulk up’ … they don’t gain weight or muscle no matter how much they want to.
We all have different bodies, and they are all amazing and sexy to me! I have had clients who are too thin for some of my restraints on the smallest hole, I’ve had clients that my arms won’t reach around when I give them a hug.
You have a body, and I am not going to judge you by it, I’m just going to make you feel sexy and enjoy discovering your erogenous zones and how I can have fun with you. So never feel that because you don’t look like a Tom of Finland character, or a Love Island cast member you aren’t welcome in my dungeon. All bodies are!
And hopefully, I can help give you a bit of body confidence to take away with you. And this also applies to gender identities. I have cis-male, cis-female, trans-male and trans-female clients. And if you have a particular pronoun you wish to be known by just let me know.
I had one client for whom I was one of the first people he saw and talked to as part of his transition journey, I don’t think anyone else knew at the time. The emotional release and acceptance he had of being referred to as my ‘boy’ was huge for him. It gave him confidence in his own identity – and it was truly an honour to be apart of that.
I guess what I am trying to say, it isn’t about how you look that matters to me. It is about how you feel and how I can make you feel that is most important. But what about experience – why would I want to see someone who hasn’t done anything kinky. That doesn’t matter – I want to help you enjoy your kinks. I love introducing people to the joys of BDSM and fetish!
And if you are experienced but don’t like pain, anal, boot worship, “Yes Sir No Sir” roleplay, or bondage that is fine. If blindfolds freak you out that is not a problem – just let me know. Or maybe you enjoy something like ass play, but worry you can’t take a massive dildo like everyone else on Twitter seems to do now. Don’t worry … we go to your level, your interests and your limits.
Fuck what everyone else says you should do. It isn’t their session – it is yours! So don’t feel any expectation to have to do something you don’t enjoy.
What if you feel your kink or fetish is too “odd” or “unusual” that you can’t tell anyone for fear of being ridiculed?
I am the person you can tell your fantasy to, I am the person who can help you explore it. You will not be judged or criticised – sexuality is an amazing thing! We all have those things that turn us on like nothing else, we can’t explain why we just know they make our dicks twitch.
So come and enjoy them! Our fetishes and fantasies are deeply personal, and there is always a fear of shame when we share them with someone else. I will never shame you, or make you feel that your fantasy is wrong. It is what turns you on, and I want to help you explore that. And most importantly I won’t share anything about it with others! It is between you and me and has nothing to do with the rest of the world.
I have had sessions where we have done some amazingly fun and unique things – some that many definitely thought too freaky to share with anyone else. People who have waited soo long to do something or have it done to them – the moment they get the permission to do it, and know it’s fine is magical! Of course, sometimes we can’t make a fantasy happen.
I can do many things .. but I don’t have WonkaVision for example to make you 10cm tall to indulge in your Land of the Giants fantasy. But! I can help you enjoy that fantasy through roleplay, chat, sex talk or other means.
Having a wank to some porn or erotica is horny, but add someone to talk you through it to make the fantasy together can lead to mind-blowing orgasms!
So, to finish please remember whatever your body or secret sexual fantasy. I can be the person to make it happen for you.
Safe, discreet, confidential!
Don’t just wank over it, make it happen!
When the Covid-19 Coronavirus hit I knew it meant one thing for me – no kink and no sessions. And then the official lock down advice kicked in, faced with a completely unknown period of time before I could see any of my clients again I decided I needed to keep my own mental health at the forefront and so took a break from twitter, email and my work phone.
I apologize if you have tried to contact me in this time, but I had to focus on me here and what I was going to do.
But I’m pleased to say the break has done me the world of good, I can’t see anyone for sessions yet but I can get back online and reconnect to people. And part of this is going to be creating some new video content, some videos introducing myself, my gear, my kit and what I like and hopefully giving some advice or information you find useful.
So please get in touch and follow me on Twitter. Or check out my new Video Library, watch and enjoy!
Sir is back!
I’m very excited to be attending Brew Hunter’s Mastery at The Backstreet in London, the UK’s only strict dress-code Leather Bar. If you are attending would be great to say hello – but introduce yourself as I have a terrible memory and won’t recognise most people I follow.
I am also taking bookings for subs or slaves looking to serve in London.
If you have always wanted to experience a session with me now is the perfect opportunity! Book early to get the best times available, deposits will be required! Contact me via email or call / WhatsApp 07516 036 105.
I have some slaves who follow various protocols when they visit. Coming for a session starts off with getting into the right head-space. Leaving the trappings of everyday life behind and allowing yourself to let go and become the sub/slave your heart desires.
For example, one dirty cock hungry slut who visits knows that as soon as the door opens he is to go to the dungeon. Once there change into something slutty showing off his cock and ass, puts clothes and belongings in the cupboard. Then when ready he kneels waiting for me to come in and put a collar on it.
That is a very straight forward protocol to start a session, it works because we have built a relationship over time, we know and understand the limits of what we will do. And after a session or between sessions we discuss them, we explore ideas outside the dungeon. This allows sessions to stay focussed on playing.
I have another service-oriented slave who has a very strict protocol, it has a series of house rules that have been agreed upon. These do not need discussing or reminding, it just knows them. I have had several enquiries about Slave for a Day experiences lately (and the occasional weekend) – for those who crave submission and service rather than sexual play these may be something you connect with.
Clothing and choice of clothing is very personal, it is part of who we are – our clothes are an extension of us. In many cases we also use them to communicate our likes, interests or what sort of tribe we consider ourselves.
Taking away that choice of clothing is a perfect and subtle loss of control. Take a slave out shopping or for coffee and choose their clothing. Push them out of their comfort zone maybe, wear something they wouldn’t choose or wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing in public. Nothing like chaps or kink wear, it is not cool to force kink on others (they cannot consent). But it could be as simple as choosing which t-shirt and trousers they wear.
Take away the clothes and they are very exposed – physically and emotionally. Total loss of power and a display of commitment.
My protocol slave isn’t allowed clothes when in my presence in private (hotel room, dungeon or home etc). Unless it is given explicit instructions I expect it naked at all times. This of course comes with some practical considerations – my responsibility is to ensure slaves wellbeing and if it is naked then I must be aware of its body temperature. If it is cold and shivering, I have failed in my own duties – so naked service comes with a price for me, heating bills!
As soon as it arrives in my home it knows it is to wait for instruction. It will walk in, strip naked and carefully place all its clothes into the storage box waiting. The position it waits for instruction in is determined by what it sees in the hallway. Nothing aside the storage box it stands, hands behind back and waits. A folded rectangular towel on floor it kneels and waits, a square folded towel it sits and waits.
If there is a collar waiting it will assume the appropriate position and hold the collar out ready for me to take it and lock onto its neck. Shackles, it will shackle its wrists and ankles again holding the collar waiting for me to lock it on.
This allows it to focus on what it sees as its purpose – to serve and be of service. BDSM Slavery is different for different people, for some it is being used sexually or for sexual pleasure, for others it is to be objectified, to serve and to make their Master’s life easier. However someone submits, and whatever the nature of the play or service getting into that headspace is so critical.
This year I returned to Folsom!
But not Berlin, which is what most people in the UK think of when I mention Folsom. I returned to the original San Francisco Folsom Street Fair, my 4th visit to this iconic event. The worlds largest leather/kink event attracting around 250,000 visitors (for reference that is ten times larger then Folsom Europe).
I’ve never done Folsom East or Folsom Berlin so cannot compare the events, but I know a lot of my European friends have never done Folsom, so I will give you my guide on what to expect and what is there.
Folsom is very much a mixed event – different kinks, fetishes, fashions, gear, sexes, genders all on display! And that for me is what makes it so great – the huge spectrum of people who attend.
And with that many people attending it needs a lot of space – 13 city blocks near the centre of SF! People say it gets busy … really busy, but I think first-timers can often underestimate just how rammed it can be. By the time I left mid-afternoon the queues to get in were stretching over two blocks! Some of the popular areas of the fair were packed, if you don’t like crowds definitely get in early!
There is no ‘ticket fee’ for entering the fair, just a requested donation. If you donate and get a sticker to wear your drinks are $2 cheaper! The suggested donation on entry is $10 – $15, and to make life easier the volunteers accept cash or debit/credit card.
Folsom Street Fair Events (the organisation behind it all) in 2018 donated over $250,000 to its beneficiaries, has so far raised over $7 million since it started in 1984.
Throughout the event, there are places to get drinks at three types of bars – beer, cocktails or soft drinks. Whatever your beverage preference you can find something to enjoy, and by buying drinks you are also helping to raise further funds to support local organisations! Charitable organisations (referred to as a 501(c)3 organisation in USA) can apply to become a Beverage Partner for the event. If successful the organisation provides volunteers to staff and run a bar, and in return, their organisation receives financial support from Folsom. When you buy a pint you could be helping a local HIV charity or Rugby club for example.
In addition to the bars, there are 7 huge water towers around the site to fill up your own water bottle (free of charge), and there is also a Sunscreen Station to get and apply plenty of sunscreen – though I suspect an optional fee to have applied by a porn actor would have been another a good fundraiser.
Folsom is mostly a social event – show off your gear, get to see hot guys and girls in gear. To see some amazing demo’s – bondage, flogging etc all on display. There is more going on of course – companies selling awesome kit and gear, community organisations promoting their services. Companies you may have heard of, stands include Tykables, Grindr, Recon, Bad Dragon, Mr S Leather, Sheets of San Francisco, Boy Butter, KinkBnB, Nasty Kink Pigs and so many others!
There is a dance arena but that doesn’t interest me at all, so never ventured down into it, but it is there for those who want it. And then as modern events do now they have a ‘Main Stage’ area. It is mostly live bands, some sash queens on parade and hosts introducing everyone and keeping the crowds entertained.
I always advise people to arrive at 11 am, as I say it gets busy! And if you want to do any shopping on the stalls, play with the pups, meet some porn actors etc you need to do this before it gets crowded! This year the temperature was a little lower than previous years, I’d say around 20 – 25 oC. I was in full leathers – so very much a good thing for me! Previous years it has been mid/high 30’s! Which is really far too hot for fetish gear – but good for those who like to wear just jocks or get their cocks out (watch out for that sunburn!)
As any Leather event should have – the Bootblacks have a stand. There is a $10 fee (donation to a local charity) to book a slot and then recommended tips for the bootblacks. Because the service can take a while, and many don’t want to queue for an age they have a great ticket system. You pay your $10 donation and are given a numbered ticket, you can either wait to be called or go off around the fair and come back. Whenever a chair is free they call out for the lowest number, so if you go to the stand early in the day and head back a few hours later you are pretty much guaranteed to be sat next.
While my jeans need a decent deep clean and condition I opted to have my boots done, Unicorn boy (u.b.) did an awesome job – and good luck with the SF Bootblack 2020 contest!
There has been much made of recently about Pride events being “family-friendly” events, and even some trying to ban Fetish gear. Folsom is very much not a family event – and nor should it be! It is an event based around fetish and sex.
The nature of the event you are going to get a lot of non-kink people who want to go and see the perverts and players. It may not be quite as debauched as it used to be, but you could still piss on people in a paddling pool, see countless guys with dicks out jerking off, see guys drinking piss directly from the source or in one video going around twitter one guy over the shoulder of another getting fisted.
Any event like this you cannot go and be surprised if your photo ends up on the Internet somewhere. On the way in they have huge signs about consent which was good to see. And we saw some excellent examples of people both following and ignoring these. For example a well endowed young lad (about late 20’s) was asked if he could have his photo taken by someone, he agreed and posed. Photographer then decided that consent meant he could grab hold of the guy’s hard dick – he was very quickly and directly corrected on that! The lad handled the situation really well, and was great to see him have the confidence to do that. Whilst gear, nudity or attendance does not give consent it is a sad fact that you must also be prepared to deal with people who don’t understand that.
And this consent issue is why I haven’t been able to share many photos from the event – it would be so hypocritical of me to do so. Be like the photo of the old dear watching the Pope go past – don’t enjoy the whole event through a lens.