Welcome to the Tantric Male blog for Sir Dave!
Check back here for the latest news, appointment availability, new purchases, new ideas and just my thoughts on life work and the world. Oh and maybe the odd photo or collection of photo's I like.
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You may have heard about a new boy on the block … Kinkster App. Lots of people are getting excited about it, me for one. And lots of people are asking why do we need yet another bloody hook up app when we have Recon, Grindr, Scruff, FetLife, Twitter, Growlr, Grommr, Gaydar (is that still a thing?) and plenty other less well known or used sites.
I thought rather then just sharing my signup code I’d help explain why Kinkster is different, why it is needed and why you need to sign up.
For the benefit of the community
One of the biggest differences between Kinkster and pretty much all the other apps is profit.
The team being Kinkster have setup the company as a Community Interest Company and not the traditional Limited company most businesses use. A CIC has to be run as a community or social enterprise – the profits are for the community or to be put back into the organisation to help build it and develop it. Not for the profit or benefit of the shareholders.
So the focus isn’t on becoming rich – it isn’t on making money, by law it has to be on (in this case) connecting a community together and helping that community meet and support each other.
It isn’t actually an app
The name is Kinkster.App – it’s an app to meet like minded guys, girls and those yet to decide. And to build social connections, to chat to people, engage in discussion and find events to attend.
But it isn’t an app … you won’t get it from the Apple App Store or Google Play Store.
It’s a website, a website that does a lot of clever stuff to look and work like an app.
And why is that a good thing?
Take a look at Recon and Scruff – they are getting more and more restricted in what you can show on a photo, Scruff’s latest rules are incredibly restrictive for something based around sex. And that isn’t anything to do with Scruff – that is the choice of Apple. They are getting stricter and stricter with sex related apps and anything hinting at consensual sexual activity. BLUF recently worked tirelessly to get an app approved that was just for event listings. It mentioned fetish so they wouldn’t approve it for distribution via the App store. And if it isn’t on the app store it is practically impossible to your app out to iPhone users.
Recon photos have to be assessed to see if they are App friendly. For android you can get around this by installing an App that hasn’t come via the Play Store, but I do fear it is only a matter of time before Recon disappears from the App stores.
So if it isn’t an app and just a website that means it doesn’t need any corporates approval for you to use it. It just needs to satisfy the laws of the country. And it makes it a lot easier for the developers to roll out fixes, features and updates – because you don’t have to do anything!
And it won’t take up critical storage space on your device.
“But a website only works when online, an app works all the time.” Sure, but if your not online how you going to find shags and chat to people around you? How you going to send a message or read someones feed? Everything about a social connections app needs online access. So an App has no real significant benefit other then making development harder, slower, more expensive for the business behind it while making the stores (ie Apple and Google) money.
It’s not just for kinksters’s
There is a second site called GMeet … if Kinkster is a new Recon, GMeet is a new Grindr. Meet guys who want to fuck, but don’t want all the accessories and dressing up to go with it. And its also for the social side of life – its not just about wanna shag? Both apps are about the social as well as sexual connections we make, sometimes those social also involve gear, sometimes they don’t.
At some point I fully expect Twitter to succumb to the political pressure of being an American Corporate and have to ban any mention of knobs, bums and sex. Unlike tumblr it isn’t predominately porn based, but the business model of traditional advertising companies and sex don’t go together too well.
So GMeet and Kinkster will also have a feed option that you can follow people on, or maybe even a group to meet like minded people. Sounds like twitter, so it offers much more social interaction rather then just messaging,
And the sites lets you manage this through one login – so you don’t need to login to loads of apps. And it also lets you create up to three separate profiles on each site (three on Kinkster and three on GMeet), If you are a big scat perv and know that puts a lot of guys off, create a profile for your pig side and one for your sluttier side maybe and then one for your pup or inner baby. Or for the vanilla site a gaming profile, a cooking one and one for work maybe.
The site also won’t be exclusively gay, LGBT+ or male only. And this has been one of the problems I think sites like FetLife has faced in building its gay membership – a lot of guys don’t want to chat to people they aren’t sexually interested in. So there will be options on either site (Kinkster and GMeet) where you can set who you are visible to in searches etc. You may have a social GMeet profile that is happier to meet quite a wide range of people, but a Kink side that is targeted to only Male or Female partners.
Yes, but do we really need another app?
All the existing ones have their failings, some too restrictive in content, some promote themselves and their own events too much, some only allow certain types of people (some sites even filter by are you good looking or rich enough to be a member).
Kinkster and GMeet are hoping to build a broader spectrum of appeal, that isn’t so restricted by corporate approval policies and that is designed to build connections and community. Not just about sex.
Still not sure? I haven’t seen the app myself yet – just seen what they have posted online and had some discussions with the developers. They are very open to suggestions and ideas on how to make it an amazing platform. But they need to launch it slowly, test it, develop it and see what the community wants. So give feedback and ideas, don’t expect it to be included on launch but if it is a good idea you may see it in a future version.
Claim your name
In closing, it will be worth claiming your name now. Your ID is your address online, so grab it before anyone else does. Even if you don’t want to use it you can make sure no one pretends to be you.
Click the picture above to signup, and let’s see what happens!
Images used with permission.
For a long time I’ve been looking for a kinky fetishy bdsmy club night of pervery that is local.
I will admit I’ve never been a big one for most clubs, the exception to the rule has always been Backstreet. Most gay fetish events don’t interest me because most just seem to be mostly a sex club with crap dress code. If that is your thing that’s fine, for me I want to socialise, be able to have a conversation without lip reading and just nodding and saying “yeah” because I have no idea what you said, and if the mood was to take me … some play! Also respect for basic protocols – collars actually have a lot of meaning!
Now that rant is over, lets get back to the subject. Summer last year I found Kinky Consent on Twitter and something about it appealed. Unfortunately, my diary and the monthly event never matched up and I missed quite a few events. And there have been some amazing sounding nights – the Sissy Pageant sounded a real highlight!
Last year I put the February’s event in my diary as the weekend to loose my KC virginity! I made a note to make sure that I didn’t miss it!!
The night is held at the Klub Kink in Dudley – so super local to me (just 20 mins away). And I must compliment the club for the extensive drinks collection, unfortunately I couldn’t partake in too much as I was driving (I definitely need a slave chauffer next time). The most surprising thing about the venue was the price of the drinks … very reasonable! A Williams Chase G&T was just £4.00! And the most popular thing at the bar seemed to be the Pork Scratchings! And damn tasty they were too.
I was stepping a little outside my comfort zones, going to an event for the first time alone – not knowing anyone who would be there. My social anxiety can go sky high so I find it quite difficult to engage in conversation with people.
In the week I sent Mistress L (one of the organisers) a message to say I’ll be coming along, and received the most enthusiastic welcome and introduction to others in attendance.
The night is usually help over two floors of the club – with a large roomy bar with plenty of seating, a dungeon with variety of kit in it, and upstairs a host of fun spaces! Glory holes, private rooms, orgy room to name a few. And there is also a dungeon area downstairs behind the bar.
The night was a quiet one for attendance, a few regulars and distinguished guests were ill or unable to attend for a variety of reasons. But that didn’t stop the fun! It was a friendly welcoming crowd, not to mention incredibly sexy.
The hosts will make sure you are made to feel welcome, the Mistresses, subs, boys, Masters and others who go provide a great mix of interests and people. If you listen to Secret 102 Radio you will be sure to bump into a host or one of the regular presenters.
KC events also come with some organised fun each month, and this month was the enticing sounding “Last Slave Standing”. Quite simple, a host of impact implements from soft and lovely to very spikey and fuck-me ouchy! The rules where simple … start off with two whacks / strokes with the implement chosen at random by means of a raffle ticket. Then each round it doubled until there was just one slave standing.
The resident Dommes took turns in giving the thrashings, and I was able to enjoy the show sat that the bar with a drink and packet of Pork Scratchings.
I was impressed with all of them!!! I’m sure they were equally proud of their rewards (ie bruises) in the days that followed.
I was also asked to draw the raffle ticket for the prize draw … and genuinely without any cheating or influence I picked my own bloody ticket!! And then because they are such lovely people they let me keep my price – an amazing Crotch Rocket strapon harness and dildo Locked In Lust! The harness and dildo are an amazing combination and have been well used with several slaves since! A full review and pictures will be coming very shortly.
Unfortunately, I have to miss a few more KC nights until I can go again … damn diary conflicts. But I will be back and have made a note in my diary for all the events until the rest of the year so that I can hopefully make this a more regular thing.
So if you are looking for a friendly sociable play night I strongly recommend you get yourself over to Dudley. The next event is April 13th – check out their website for details.
I can’t make April’s, but I’m doing my best to get to May’s 1st Birthday Extravaganza!
With January now firmly upon us, many start to think about what they want to do in the new year. So this year lets all try to do something new to expand our interests.
This year I plan on doing some new bars, clubs and events, how about you, why not try somewhere new. That could just be a visit to a new city, a new cafe or new bar or even try a very different event.
There is now only one leather bar left in the UK – Backstreet. If you haven’t been then I cant recommend you go enough, it is an amazing friendly sexy and sleazy space! And best of all – they ban phones! If your in a leather bar you should cruise, talk, touch, taste and enjoy as you wish! You should do it in real life not on apps!
For my taste too many clubs now are just fuck clubs with a dress code, and for many events not very well enforced. I want somewhere to play, somewhere that has the space and furniture to put on a show! And so this year I will be visiting Kinky Consent in Dudley. A mixed club night that sounds fantastic fun! Look out for the write up in a few months time …
When we start out on our leather journey of discovery we don’t really know too much. And after a few years we know a little more, maybe we have found a particular interest – rope bondage, single tail whips, humiliation, ass play, objectification or animal role play.
But how do we learn? Most people just make things up and see how it goes, which for a lot of play is fine but for others very dangerous. For example using the wrong type of candles for wax play can lead to very serious burns.
When you start out do you know the importance of aftercare, of the come down for both the Dom and sub? How about knowing how clean some boots properly, look after your leathers or make your rubber super shiney?
Fortunately we usually find others to help us, play partners, Sirs, boys, pups or just friends. And then there is of course a wealth of knowledge in books and other publications that you can refer to and learn from. There are also some online learning resources like FetLife or Kink Academy we can use.
But nothing beats hands on personal coaching, someone showing you how to do something and to help you get better.
So in 2019 why not find someone to help coach you in an aspect of your play you aren’t that confident with. It could be flogging, rope bondage, asserting your dominance or finding your inner pup.
I’m looking forward to booking some private coaching myself this year. What about you?
I’ll admit it, I don’t go out too much to the kink / fetish scene in the UK. Sometimes if you spend too much time on Twitter and Instagram etc you can get the impression you are only a real kinkster if you go out on the scene loads. Nothing could be further from the truth! The gay fetish scene really doesn’t cater for all tastes, and unfortunately like most niche markets is very focused on London (particularly if you are the UK’s largest gay fetish site).
But there are pockets of kink and “man spaces” around the country. And one of those spaces is the long established Boltz Club in Birmingham – my local if you will. The Birmingham fetish scene consists of six main events / spaces:
For the UK’s second city (I can hear the screeches of dissent from Manchester already) this may not seem a lot, but what we have works well for us and satisfies many perverts needs!
Boltz has had a few name changes over the years, and has moved location before but it has been where it is now for a good few years now – just on the edge of Birmingham’s Gay village. The small doorway entrance leads to a dark world to explore!
There are several key areas to Boltz, the bar area, one large central bar with some stools and limited seating options and then all the other areas pretty much lead off from here. There is the outdoor smokers space, heaters, tables and seats there, the ‘educational’ cinema, the cruise maze, the cottages / toilets, sling room, glory holes and of course The Bullring. This is a different take on traditional cruise spaces, it seven different themed spaces / rooms: orgy, dungeon, slave, worship, bike, sling, web. I’ll let you discover for yourselves the different rooms – but if you have every wanted to be fucked on or over a motorbike with horny guys watching this is the place to go!
Boltz hold many events throughout the year, fetish nights, gear nights, sportswear etc all catered for. But one of their most popular is Dare2Bare on the first Sunday of the month (3pm – 8pm). There is a strict underwear / naked dress-code and the place gets full, hot, sweaty and can be a lot of fun!
Bolts isn’t just a fetish / fuck club. It’s just a great bar to hang out with your mates in. I’ve had some great afternoons, evenings there with mates passing the time buy enjoying the vibe, music and drinks on offer. And one of the best things are the great bar tenders they have! I’ve been fortunate enough to travel to the USA a lot and some of my favourite bars are there (the SF Eagle is one of them). And in most American bars you get great bar tenders, they are their to serve drinks, make amazing cocktails, host you and help ensure you have a great time. As one said recently in Key West “if you can’t trust your Bar Tender who can you trust?”
Boltz has been one of the few bars I have been in where the guys working the bar keep an eye out for who is waiting to order, and more impressively they remember what you drink! They notice you’ve finished drinking and ask if you want the same round again. Makes you feel appreciated and welcome!
So if you are in Birmingham and fancy exploring the darker side of its gay scene, Boltz is a great place to go! Or if you just fancy a pint and chat get along, the best thing about Boltz is that you can gear up if you want, you can fuck if you want, you can suck dick if you want, you can wank watching others do that, enjoy a cigar in the smoke area, or you can just sit and enjoy a drink. I will definitely be making more use of this place in the future.
Day 21: Favourite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
I don’t really read that much fiction (kink or not), I get too easily distracted.
But I do love to read things to educate and extend my knowledge, and am building up quite a nice library of kink related books / magazines.
Notable titles that I have enjoyed include (in no particular order):
I also have a collection of some great photography books: