Welcome to the Tantric Male blog for Sir Dave!

Check back here for the latest news, appointment availability, new purchases, new ideas and just my thoughts on life work and the world. Oh and maybe the odd photo or collection of photo's I like.

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Event Review: Kinky Consent

18th March 2019

For a long time I’ve been looking for a kinky fetishy bdsmy club night of pervery that is local.

I will admit I’ve never been a big one for most clubs, the exception to the rule has always been Backstreet. Most gay fetish events don’t interest me because most just seem to be mostly a sex club with crap dress code. If that is your thing that’s fine, for me I want to socialise, be able to have a conversation without lip reading and just nodding and saying “yeah” because I have no idea what you said, and if the mood was to take me … some play! Also respect for basic protocols – collars actually have a lot of meaning!

Now that rant is over, lets get back to the subject. Summer last year I found Kinky Consent on Twitter and something about it appealed. Unfortunately, my diary and the monthly event never matched up and I missed quite a few events. And there have been some amazing sounding nights – the Sissy Pageant sounded a real highlight!

Last year I put the February’s event in my diary as the weekend to loose my KC virginity! I made a note to make sure that I didn’t miss it!!

The night is held at the Klub Kink in Dudley – so super local to me (just 20 mins away). And I must compliment the club for the extensive drinks collection, unfortunately I couldn’t partake in too much as I was driving (I definitely need a slave chauffer next time). The most surprising thing about the venue was the price of the drinks … very reasonable! A Williams Chase G&T was just £4.00! And the most popular thing at the bar seemed to be the Pork Scratchings! And damn tasty they were too.

I was stepping a little outside my comfort zones, going to an event for the first time alone – not knowing anyone who would be there. My social anxiety can go sky high so I find it quite difficult to engage in conversation with people.

In the week I sent Mistress L (one of the organisers) a message to say I’ll be coming along, and received the most enthusiastic welcome and introduction to others in attendance.

The night is usually help over two floors of the club – with a large roomy bar with plenty of seating, a dungeon with variety of kit in it, and upstairs a host of fun spaces! Glory holes, private rooms, orgy room to name a few. And there is also a dungeon area downstairs behind the bar.

The night was a quiet one for attendance, a few regulars and distinguished guests were ill or unable to attend for a variety of reasons. But that didn’t stop the fun! It was a friendly welcoming crowd, not to mention incredibly sexy.

The hosts will make sure you are made to feel welcome, the Mistresses, subs, boys, Masters and others who go provide a great mix of interests and people. If you listen to Secret 102 Radio you will be sure to bump into a host or one of the regular presenters.

KC events also come with some organised fun each month, and this month was the enticing sounding “Last Slave Standing”. Quite simple, a host of impact implements from soft and lovely to very spikey and fuck-me ouchy! The rules where simple … start off with two whacks / strokes with the implement chosen at random by means of a raffle ticket. Then each round it doubled until there was just one slave standing.

The resident Dommes took turns in giving the thrashings, and I was able to enjoy the show sat that the bar with a drink and packet of Pork Scratchings.

I was impressed with all of them!!! I’m sure they were equally proud of their rewards (ie bruises) in the days that followed.

I was also asked to draw the raffle ticket for the prize draw … and genuinely without any cheating or influence I picked my own bloody ticket!! And then because they are such lovely people they let me keep my price – an amazing Crotch Rocket strapon harness and dildo Locked In Lust! The harness and dildo are an amazing combination and have been well used with several slaves since! A full review and pictures will be coming very shortly.

Unfortunately, I have to miss a few more KC nights until I can go again … damn diary conflicts. But I will be back and have made a note in my diary for all the events until the rest of the year so that I can hopefully make this a more regular thing.

So if you are looking for a friendly sociable play night I strongly recommend you get yourself over to Dudley. The next event is April 13th – check out their website for details.

I can’t make April’s, but I’m doing my best to get to May’s 1st Birthday Extravaganza!

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Something New

8th January 2019

With January now firmly upon us, many start to think about what they want to do in the new year. So this year lets all try to do something new to expand our interests.

Visit Somewhere New

This year I plan on doing some new bars, clubs and events, how about you, why not try somewhere new. That could just be a visit to a new city, a new cafe or new bar or even try a very different event.

There is now only one leather bar left in the UK – Backstreet. If you haven’t been then I cant recommend you go enough, it is an amazing friendly sexy and sleazy space! And best of all – they ban phones! If your in a leather bar you should cruise, talk, touch, taste and enjoy as you wish! You should do it in real life not on apps!

For my taste too many clubs now are just fuck clubs with a dress code, and for many events not very well enforced. I want somewhere to play, somewhere that has the space and furniture to put on a show! And so this year I will be visiting Kinky Consent in Dudley. A mixed club night that sounds fantastic fun! Look out for the write up in a few months time …

Learn Something New

When we start out on our leather journey of discovery we don’t really know too much. And after a few years we know a little more, maybe we have found a particular interest – rope bondage, single tail whips, humiliation, ass play, objectification or animal role play.

But how do we learn? Most people just make things up and see how it goes, which for a lot of play is fine but for others very dangerous. For example using the wrong type of candles for wax play can lead to very serious burns.

When you start out do you know the importance of aftercare, of the come down for both the Dom and sub? How about knowing how clean some boots properly, look after your leathers or make your rubber super shiney?

Fortunately we usually find others to help us, play partners, Sirs, boys, pups or just friends. And then there is of course a wealth of knowledge in books and other publications that you can refer to and learn from. There are also some online learning resources like FetLife or Kink Academy we can use.

But nothing beats hands on personal coaching, someone showing you how to do something and to help you get better.

So in 2019 why not find someone to help coach you in an aspect of your play you aren’t that confident with. It could be flogging, rope bondage, asserting your dominance or finding your inner pup.

I’m looking forward to booking some private coaching myself this year. What about you?

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Bar Review: Boltz Birmingham

1st May 2018

I’ll admit it, I don’t go out too much to the kink / fetish scene in the UK. Sometimes if you spend too much time on Twitter and Instagram etc you can get the impression you are only a real kinkster if you go out on the scene loads. Nothing could be further from the truth! The gay fetish scene really doesn’t cater for all tastes, and unfortunately like most niche markets is very focused on London (particularly if you are the UK’s largest gay fetish site).

But there are pockets of kink and “man spaces” around the country. And one of those spaces is the long established Boltz Club in Birmingham – my local if you will. The Birmingham fetish scene consists of six main events / spaces:

For the UK’s second city (I can hear the screeches of dissent from Manchester already) this may not seem a lot, but what we have works well for us and satisfies many perverts needs!

Boltz has had a few name changes over the years, and has moved location before but it has been where it is now for a good few years now – just on the edge of Birmingham’s Gay village. The small doorway entrance leads to a dark world to explore!

There are several key areas to Boltz, the bar area, one large central bar with some stools and limited seating options and then all the other areas pretty much lead off from here. There is the outdoor smokers space, heaters, tables and seats there, the ‘educational’ cinema, the cruise maze, the cottages / toilets, sling room, glory holes and of course The Bullring. This is a different take on traditional cruise spaces, it seven different themed spaces / rooms: orgy, dungeon, slave, worship, bike, sling, web. I’ll let you discover for yourselves the different rooms – but if you have every wanted to be fucked on or over a motorbike with horny guys watching this is the place to go!

Boltz hold many events throughout the year, fetish nights, gear nights, sportswear etc all catered for. But one of their most popular is Dare2Bare on the first Sunday of the month (3pm – 8pm). There is a strict underwear / naked dress-code and the place gets full, hot, sweaty and can be a lot of fun!

Bolts isn’t just a fetish / fuck club. It’s just a great bar to hang out with your mates in. I’ve had some great afternoons, evenings there with mates passing the time buy enjoying the vibe, music and drinks on offer. And one of the best things are the great bar tenders they have! I’ve been fortunate enough to travel to the USA a lot and some of my favourite bars are there (the SF Eagle is one of them). And in most American bars you get great bar tenders, they are their to serve drinks, make amazing cocktails, host you and help ensure you have a great time. As one said recently in Key West “if you can’t trust your Bar Tender who can you trust?”

Boltz has been one of the few bars I have been in where the guys working the bar keep an eye out for who is waiting to order, and more impressively they remember what you drink! They notice you’ve finished drinking and ask if you want the same round again. Makes you feel appreciated and welcome!

So if you are in Birmingham and fancy exploring the darker side of its gay scene, Boltz is a great place to go! Or if you just fancy a pint and chat get along, the best thing about Boltz is that you can gear up if you want, you can fuck if you want, you can suck dick if you want, you can wank watching others do that, enjoy a cigar in the smoke area, or you can just sit and enjoy a drink. I will definitely be making more use of this place in the future.

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30 Days of Kink: Day 21

18th March 2018

Day 21: Favourite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
I don’t really read that much fiction (kink or not), I get too easily distracted.

But I do love to read things to educate and extend my knowledge, and am building up quite a nice library of kink related books / magazines.

Notable titles that I have enjoyed include (in no particular order):

I also have a collection of some great photography books:

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Help Send The King To IML

5th March 2017

For a long time now I’ve felt in a minority … a proud active Leatherman. But one for who the majority of the gay fetish “scene” in the UK hasn’t held much interest. I’ve always enjoyed my trips to Leather events and bars in the USA – CLAW (Cleveland Leather Annual Weekend) is a favourite event, and The Eagle in San Francisco a favourite bar.

And one of the reasons I have always enjoyed them is they have a real sense of community, of support, of brotherhood.

Something that until recently I can’t really say I have found at most events in the UK. I recently had my first visit to The Backstreet in London, what I can now see has been the UK’s only Leather bar for a long time. But that is going to form another blog post in the coming weeks.

This past weekend was the Annual General Meeting of Manchester Leathermen (MLM). The group was founded in 2012 and in 2015 merged with the Manchester Superchain, and last year I was excited to join as a member and attend my first MLM events.

Unfortunately, I have found it hard to get to as many of the regular events they host as I would like. The additional cost of a hotel (living two hours away) and free weekends lining up with events seem limited.

Even though I can’t get to many events I follow the activities of the group through their Twitter and Newsletters etc. Throughout all of this there comes a real sense of community, a group of people who support each other, who want to build something more than just another bar night.

One of the members of MLM who has helped spread the word of the group across the country and Europe is Joe King. He won Mr Leather UK 2016 and then Mr Leather Europe 2016. As a holder of both titles he has worked for the benefit of the community.

And now he is hoping to make it to International Mr Leather this May in Chicago. But attending such an event takes time and money, quite a lot of money!

One of the aspects of community I have admired from the American Leather scene is its willingness to support each other in representing their own bars, cities and organisations.

IML is an amazing event to attend, and for many it involves one thing – sex and lots of it! For others it’s cocktails, and lots of them, for others it’s about social time, shopping and discovering new friends.

For those who are attending to compete it is a very different weekend! They must attend all the formal events, rehearsals, meetings, meet and greets, interviews with judges, photo calls, press calls, networking and promotional events.

It’s busy, it’s hard work, it’s incredibly full on! In fact, most contestants usually have at least one person with them acting as their Personal Assistant. Ensuring they attend everything, are in the right place at the right time, have everything they need, their kit is ready, they eat, they sleep and hopefully get to enjoy what is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

The only time a British Leatherman has won the title of International Mr Leather was when John Pendal won in 2003. So I think its’s about time we changed that! And we also showed the rest of the kinky leathery world that the UK is working hard to build an amazing community. And quite frankly American’s love the Royal Family …

So please join me in helping Send The King to IML and make a donation to his travel fund and to put the UK on the map again at the worlds biggest gay fetish event!

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