Welcome to the blog of Sir Dave where you can find news, appointment availability, new purchases, new ideas and just my thoughts on life work and the world. Oh and maybe the odd photo or collection of photo's I like.
I just wanted to say a few words as we wave goodbye to the shitshow that has been 2020! If you click the image to the right you can watch my Christmas Message video.
For many of us, it has been absolutely devastating for our businesses and the businesses we love.
I have found it really quite tough not being able to work. Not able to do the job I love for the majority if this year has been horrible and really quite hard mentally. It is one of the reasons I haven’t done many new videos or been online much, but it is essential we look after ourselves right now and get through this.
Now, as we move into 2021 if you can support small businesses, be those butchers, bakers, leather makers, sex workers, coffee shops, kink stores … or any small independent store, please do!
Now more then ever the phrase “Use them or lose them” is critically important!
This also relates to favourite artists and content creators – if they have a Patreon or OnlyFans then support them if you can. All too often porn is stolen and people don’t feel they should pay for it – making content doesn’t come free of time, effort or money. So even if just a couple of quid tip, show your appreciation … and remember, wanking is year-round … not just for Christmas so if you can’t afford to support them now but can in the spring then do it then. It helps us pay our bills and encourages us to do more of what you love to see.
I don’t want to come across preaching or “woe is me”, quite the opposite, my stepping back has helped me get through this period. And I’ve tried to help others where I can, but I will admit I have been quite poor at keeping in touch with people these past few months.
Christmas is a time of so much pressure and expectation on us, and it’s tough for so many people. And this year it is that times a hundred! We can’t see friends or family, and we can’t socialise as we usually would.
For a lot of us, that means we may be spending Christmas home alone. And I have been so pleased to see so many in the kink and fetish communities all over the world organise online social gatherings on Christmas day for those who are alone or who want to chat to others. If this is something you would benefit from reach out and find local groups doing this.
That has been the year that has gone, let us look forward to 2021!
I’ve set myself a few things to look forward to, some new leathers once I get back to work – jeans, shirt and Muir cap high on the shopping list and then I need to visit Enfettered to get something new for the dungeon too!
And yes I’ve got a bit Covid fat – one of the reasons for the new gear, but that just means there is more of me to enjoy! And when things calm down a bit and I have the right focus I hope to lose those extra few kilos. But ya know what, right now I’m not beating myself up about it.
Unfortunately, social media and a lot of porn can perpetuate the myth that everyone has to fit the “Love Island” look. That isn’t realistic and frankly not something I find attractive or sexy – give me chunk and jiggly bits any day!
If you do have worries about body image and confidence I have found that watching Naked Attraction on Channel 4 is a great reminder that advertisers are wrong. We do all love different shapes, sizes, ages and have different sexual interests and turn-ons!
Anyway, I only wanted to say hello and Merry Christmas but seem to have gone on a bit. If you are struggling and just want to talk to someone please call the Samaritans anytime on 116 123. They are there to listen and for you to talk, even if you just want to say Merry Christmas or hello to another human – it can really help and you shouldn’t feel in any way embarrassed to call. They exist to ensure everyone has someone to talk to.
So, thank you to all those whose company I have had the pleasure and honour of enjoying this year, and I hope we can get together and enjoy lots of fun times in 2021!
Today is World AIDS Day and there has been a video I’ve wanted to make for a while and this is the perfect day for it!
If you look on YouTube for videos about a product, technology particularly, you will find lots of “unboxing” reviews. People get a product and then unbox it, try it out and tell you about it as they go. So today I’m going to do my first unboxing review with a home HIV test. I’ll explain why in a minute, but first World Aids Day …
It is estimated that at the moment there are over 103,000 people living with HIV in the UK. Since it was first recognised in 1981, over 35million people have died from HIV or AIDS worldwide – making it one of the most devastating Pandemics the world has seen.
World Aids Day was started in 1988 to raise awareness, reduce stigma and of course raise money for research, awareness and support projects.
Because of the COVID19 pandemic in 2020 so many of the World AIDS Day Events have had to be withdrawn this year, which is having a huge effect on fundraising efforts to support those living with HIV and funding ongoing research.
There has been lots of news in the past few weeks about the amazing work done to produce effective vaccines for COVID19 … but please don’t forget there is still no vaccine against HIV! Which is why the safer sex message about condoms and PrEP is still so important!
Traditionally each year people show their support for World AIDS Day by wearing the red ribbon, but this year I suspect we won’t see as many because we won’t see as many people out and about – England is still in Lockdown, which is why I have massive hair in the video at the moment.
You can see in the video I have the National Aids Trust Virtual Ribbon on it, which you can get to show your support on your online avatars. And if you are in the UK you can support them with by making a donation for just £1 right now with your phone.
To do this text the word REDRIBBON to 70085.
Like with the Covid19 pandemic regular testing can help us prevent the spread of HIV. There are many different tests available, the one I have used the most is this one – the BioSure HIV Self Test which is 99.7% accurate.
However! Before you do buy one please check the website of your local sexual health clinic or the Terrence Higgins Trust, these tests are often available free of charge!
The reason I wanted to make this video is to show what the test consists of, how it works and to reduce the stigma about HIV testing, what you may have to do.
Click the image above to view the video.
Quite a while ago I was in the Prowler Soho store in London and bought a good sized bright red dildo, with the intention of one day completing the set if I liked it.
I loved it and wanted to get the rest but … they stopped selling them! Now I must make a shout out to the ProwlerRED team on twitter when I asked if they have them instore and not online replied saying they didn’t sell them any longer.
But did tell me the name of the company that make them instead of trying to persuade me to buy one of their others.
And so I introduce you to the Stretch range of dildo’s and ass toys. But before I talk about them it is important to realise that not all sex toys are made equal. In fact they can be made from lots of things – wood and glass for example, and then the two most common are latex and vinyl (or plastic type products).
In recent years you will have seen talk about Silicone toys coming more popular. SquarePeg I believe launched the first range of silicone toys back in 2006! OxBalls I also remember as one of the early companies to offer silicone toys … but I don’t know when they started.
In recent years other names for big toys like Mr Hanky’s have come along and other established brands such as Crackstuffers have introduced silicone toys.
Simply put – silicone is safer. It’s non-porous – so it won’t absorb chemicals that it comes into contact with. Everything stays on the surface which means you can wash and sanitise them easily. And that safety is one of the most important benefits!
Other common materials like Latex have tiny pores that can trap bacteria, viruses and STD’s. Which is really an issue when playing with bigger toys that you can’t fit a condom or other barrier over. You can use water or oil based lubes with silicone toys, latex toys can of course be broken down by oil based products.
And they are odourless and tasteless. Actually, odour is a good topic here too as a quick aside.
Have you ever had a toy that has quite a strong plasticy smell? Or do any of your toys ‘sweat’ or get oily or greasy all by themselves? If so I would suggest you go and grab that toy and throw it out!
They aren’t some fancy self-lubricating toys … it’s actually the chemical degradation. And there is a strong possibility that the chemicals causing the smell or sweat are phthalates that are used to soften plastics.
Those chemicals are dangerous! They can cause irritation, rashes, blisters or a whole lot worse, just google them! So please check what your toys are made from and take appropriate steps – I’ve thrown out a load of my own collection already.
Some people say that Silicone Lubes can damage silicone toys, i’ve seen no evidence of this. But SquarePeg do point out on their website dissolving can occur when they come into contact with vinyl toys. Which is where the initial rumour may have started.
Ok, so moving back to toys
Whatever your experience, I have something to fit everyone, and will of course be adding more. The red dildos are part of the “Stretch” range, there are seven in the main collection and here you can see sizes 1 through 6.
Let’s start with Riker … or for non star trek nerds Number 1. This is about 15cm long with a width of 4cm. It’s a really nice size to work up to when starting out! A good toy to us to get used to an average cock fucking you.
They are all circumcised or foreskin pulled back depending on how you want to think about it.
This gives a nice head with a little bump to ride on the way in or further inside. Then the body is veiny for some texture and then some balls to make sure you can work it balls deep!
And they all have a suction base, and it really holds well! Particularly useful if you want to ride at home alone. If you have a smooth or tiled wall or floor stick it down and fuck yourself silly!
Silicone also has a nice feel about it, the temperature too. If you use a metal or glass toy for example it will feel cold when you first use it.
Two tips when shopping for toys. If you want to compare how a toys temperature will feel when inside just place them on the inside of your arm.
You’ll get the initial feel and then how long it will take to warm up to body temperature. And if looking at a vibrator in a store use the tip if your nose to feel how powerful it is.
So I said I have Stretch 1 through 6, this is the 6 and clearly for experienced and practiced holes. It’s 31cm in length and 7cm wide! As you can see more than just a handful!
In the coming months for you greedy boys and fist pigs I will be getting the Stretch 7, 5X and 5 Double X! The 5 Double X has a circumference of 28cm and is 9 cm across!!
Silicone toys can be made in a variety of firmness, if you look at toys from companies like Weredog for example you can choose the soft medium or firm toys. The Stretch range I would put as firm, they are very firm but you can squeeze them and they flex – they aren’t solid!
In the Stretch range there are some other options too, such as the Stretch Hole. It is a hollow plug – shaped with a taper for easy insertion, some bulges and base to keep it firmly held in pace and to keep your hole open.
Again like the stretch dildos made from premium silicone! The hole A is 11cm in length with a max width of 5cm The largest available is 16cm long and 8cm wide for a great stretch and gape! If you are familiar with the OxBalls pig hole these are firmer, the pig holes can collapse when using them.
And finally there is one question everyone has about toys … price. The entire range I think is excellent value for money. The Stretch 1 is just £13.85 and the Stretch 6 is £31.20 with the most expensive being the 5 Double X at £46.20!
So if you are interested in any of the Stretch toys and range you can find them on their website skyhi.me.uk. You can also find the amazing K-Lube range of lubes! It is nice to see them back on the market, and they offer free postage on orders over £35!
At this time, I do not have a firm date on which I start sessions again, I am hoping it will be the middle of July 2020. But as with everything the last few months, nothing can be set in stone and we need to evaluate the situation nearer the time.
When I am able to start seeing people again I will initially be limiting to one booking per day to give me time to complete the extra work that is going to be needed between sessions.
This may require I take a deposit for all bookings to ensure I get to see everyone who wants to visit. I cannot afford timewasters!
As soon as you arrive, I will have hand sanitiser for us both to use! Then while we have our usual chat about the session, and I will ask about your current wellbeing and health to makes sure we both feel happy to continue – if you do not feel 100%, have a temperature or any of the symptoms do not come!
Once the date is confirmed as always if you cannot make a session please tell me! If you do not cancel you will forfeit any deposit. I would rather you call the day before and cancel so that we can rebook the session.
One change I have made in the dungeon is to remove all toys and equipment from display. It will mean that I do not have everything immediately to hand, but also means I know anything that has been used is out and needs cleaning.
I always clean everything after every session, but with Coronavirus everyone is stepping up these efforts. All toys and equipment are disinfected using an appropriate cleaning product – I have various disinfectants and surface cleaners available that kill both bacteria and viruses.
I also need to think about the gear that I wear. Clothing and towels are all washed at 60 degrees with detergent. But some gear like leather and boots are harder so will be cleaned with appropriate cleaning solutions and conditioners.
There may be some activities that we aren’t able to do, and if there is anything particular you are looking for please let me know in advance so I can prepare and ensure we can do as much as possible want safely.
Do not forget any prepayments for sessions paid before I start to see people again are reduced by 20%. Things are changing all the time, so if you have any questions please get in touch, ask and keep an eye on my blog here and twitter for updates.
Safe BDSM is sexy BDSM and for me safewords are a key to that.
I never play without a safeword and I want to explain more about that and why they are so important. I have a very simple safeword that I use in all of my sessions, and it is quite commonly used by others in the kink world, and it is RED.
What is a safeword and why have them?
Quite simply they are a codeword that communicates you need the scene and session to stop. Depending on the nature of the scene you may struggle, you may shout out you may say No! You may beg and plead for the tickling to stop for example. But you do not want it to stop … it is part of the experience and play.
This is where communication in BDSM can get complicated. So, we agree a codeword or as we know it … a safeword. A word or phrase that communicates you need to stop playing. But it needs to be a word that you would not usually use in the scene – so “No” and “Stop” aren’t usually used. You can of course use them, and if you wish to make sure your play partner understands that!
But most often people will use a word that would not be used in a scene – Banana for example. You must choose something simple and easy to remember. If one of the players can’t remember it’s Banana, they may suddenly develop fruit-based Tourette’s calling out various fruit names trying to find the right one!
So, I always use RED. It is simple and easy to remember – I remind subs with the phrase “think of a traffic lights – red is stop!” There is now a visualisation of the colour in their mind and my incredibly basic understanding of psychology is that if you relate it to something you can see it helps store that memory.
Why may you use it?
There are many reasons! I cannot give an extensive list, but I can give ideas that may help to understand why you may need to use a safeword.
For example, something does not feel right.
Maybe you are in bondage and something is pinching, or you feel it is too tight (fingers are tingling are an excellent example). Maybe your worried you are not secure, the top has tied you up safely and you are not going to fall, break anything. But because if the position or maybe blindfold you cannot see that. Your brain is now thinking “but what if something happens” you cannot relax and enjoy the scene.
Or maybe the scene has become too intense for you? You thought you could take what you are doing, you have committed, you have tried, but right now in this moment it is not working.
Maye you wanted a hard flogging or caning – you wanted to be pushed hard, you wanted to explore your pain limits. But today is not right day for that – your head is not in the right frame of mind.
Or you suddenly feel unwell or faint maybe – and you need to alert your partner to that.
There is also one reason that can seem so frustrating at the time. You are having a great scene, this is beating every fantasy you ever had, it is the horniest most amazing experience of our life. And then *snap* something goes in your brain and suddenly out of nowhere. No warning, your brain is suddenly … NO! ABORT! DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! ABORT!
You need to stop. The best description is that you are having an anxiety / panic attack. This is something I have had the displeasure of experiencing – and it is really important you communicate that quickly!
You may feel that you want to carry on, but if you are having some sort of anxiety attack you need to stop and pause. Your selfcare is paramount – no matter how much you feel the other person is enjoying what you are doing.
If you do not feel safe, mentally, physically or emotionally you need to communicate that.
I never see reasons for using a safeword as a failure by the sub / bottom, I always tell people do not push beyond your limits to please me or because you think it will please me. If it pushes you to something or somewhere you are not comfortable then STOP.
It will be much better mentally and emotionally. This self-care is so important – both the sub and the Dom have a responsibility to look after their own safety and wellbeing.
And this responsibility also gives the Dom the option to Safeword end a scene. And that is important to understand – many people assume safewords they are only for subs. The anxiety attack, feeling unwell or faint for example. The Dom needs to recognise them and communicate to the sub they need to stop and stop immediately.
They may need to do that to safely remove any restrictions on the sub to release them for example. I have used a safeword as a Dom in a scene before. The sub was furious with me for stopping something they loved and were enjoying so much, and they were very vocal about that – even after my explaining the situation. That lack of respect for me looking after my own wellbeing meant that I will not see them again.
There are many reasons a Dom safe words, and that must be accepted – consent is a two-way process!
What happens if you use a safeword?
It depends on the scene and what is going on at that moment, but I can give a general idea. Firstly, I will stop whatever we are doing and check “are you ok?”
I will start by removing anything on the head / face / mouth first and then I will take any restraints off in an order that means you are safe – so that they will not fall over. All the time talking to you – making sure you are ok, discuss what you are feeling and what you need to do.
In the dungeon I will have water available, a fan to cool if too hot, a blanket if cold, an energy drink or sweets if blood sugar feels low, just some simple essential supplies. Maybe your emotions have overwhelmed you a bit and you just need a hug.
Whatever aftercare and reassurance you need in that moment is my focus to help you come down and relax safely and comfortably.
But what if you have a gag in or a heavy deprivation hood and your ability to communicate verbally is restricted – what then?
This is a little harder, but something that can be negotiated. Let us say you are in the bondage chair, heavy hood on or gagged and your strapped down. You can’t talk easily, so I use a simple gesture to communicate – repeated movements.
Open and close your fists or wave left to right for example. But not once! Keep doing it until I have noticed and acknowledged it by touching your hands (or body part moving). If you continue to do it once I touch you, I know that is the same as saying RED.
What if you are in a sleep sack? This time bend your feet back and forth – a repetitive motion that you are clearly doing on purpose.
But as I say – it is negotiation prior to the scene and there are many options.
One more thing
Just before I finish off, I want to add a final option to the use of safewords – green and orange. You may want to slow down a little, but not stop … so orange /amber is a good one to use, again traffic lights.
And if you think I may be slowing down or worried, or maybe you want to communicate you want to push harder? Green … keep going!
But most of all remember to negotiate and agree before starting any session! Don’t assume a partner uses the same safeword system as you … and never play without one!