Welcome to the Tantric Male blog for Sir Dave!
Check back here for the latest news, appointment availability, new purchases, new ideas and just my thoughts on life work and the world. Oh and maybe the odd photo or collection of photo's I like.
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I am guessing you haven’t heard of the name Enfettered. If you are looking for new furniture for your dungeon, or have some interest in medical play, or just appreciate fucking good quality BDSM gear you really do need to check them out.
I have had the pleasure of visiting Enfettered at their studio just outside Milton Keynes, and it is not until you meet the team and more importantly see the products that you realise they are something very different. To start off with these are products designed by players, experienced players with over 30 years of experience in BDSM.
I have my own dungeon, it has some amazing pieces of kit in it. And finding dungeon furniture that is functional, sexy to look at and sturdy is hard! There aren’t many companies in the world, let alone the UK, that make stuff that fits that brief.
And for me, one of the most important attributes of any furniture is sturdy – like the former PM used to say it has to be strong and stable. I want subs and slaves to feel above all else safe – if the bench or table they are strapped to is wobbling around and they are worried it may collapse I have failed not only as a Dom but a professional.
Above is one of the signature pieces from Enfettered … something I thought looked amazing with the moment I saw it and then fell in with love the moment I touched it. This is their fully-featured version costing £2,795 the series 1 without all the accessories is £1,650 (to which you can add accessories at a later date).
The first thing to notice about this is the size of the box frame for the metalwork – it’s chunky! Approximately twice as large as most other manufacturers, which means two things – firstly strength! This is going to hold the biggest rugby player without any problems. And it’s heavy … with great strength comes great weight. But those four wheels make it the easiest thing to move in your dungeon and once locked that bench is not moving!
When you visit and get up close with Enfettered furniture you will see the attention to detail they have, the back lift on the bench at an angle. In addition to the box frame around the edge of the back it has a centre support too – probably not needed, but that extra support gives you 100% confidence in it.
Some other things to note about the Enfettered range, apart from the fact you may have noticed how much I love them, is the accessory attachments. You can’t see them super clear in this picture, but the side tray, the fucking machine holder etc all have the same size attachment. So you can move things around – and then use them on other furniture too! Or get different attachments later on like a venus/milking attachment holder for example.
The photos here show off some of their other products, and they have added suspension harnesses, silicone restraints and bondage straps (blue in pic above), velcro finished quick release cuffs. The pics above also show the finish of the leatherwork with quilted or stripped stitching in a colour to suit your playspace.
There is one new piece of furniture coming out soon that if you have space for in your dungeon you will definitely want! I know I do … but I just need a bigger dungeon!! Make sure you follow them on twitter to find out what it is!
Check out their website and if you are in the market for dungeon furniture or bondage restraints then I definitely recommend giving them a call and booking in a visit to their showroom dungeon. You won’t be disappointed.
I’m very excited to be attending Brew Hunter’s Mastery at The Backstreet in London, the UK’s only strict dress-code Leather Bar. If you are attending would be great to say hello – but introduce yourself as I have a terrible memory and won’t recognise most people I follow.
I am also taking bookings for subs or slaves looking to serve in London.
If you have always wanted to experience a session with me now is the perfect opportunity! Book early to get the best times available, deposits will be required! Contact me via email or call / WhatsApp 07516 036 105.
This past Christmas I was passed a family recipe … homemade Baileys! I didn’t think it would work, but this stuff really does!! Being a Bourbon fan I have used some Makers Mark here in mine, the measures below do give quite a Bourbon flavour to it, so use Scotch or slightly less alcohol if preferred.
I also use Emlea Single here as that has a slightly better shelf life than regular cream, but that is a personal preference. Once mixed make sure you taste and adjust the mixture to your preference.
If you want to go real retro you can use Camp Coffee instead (reduce to 2tsp and taste).
Happy New Year, I hope 2020 is a great kinky one for you!
Put all the ingredients into a blender, blitz for 30seconds and then pour into sterilised container. Or gym shaker so when working out your “Protein Shake” gives you that bit of an extra kick!
I have some slaves who follow various protocols when they visit. Coming for a session starts off with getting into the right head-space. Leaving the trappings of everyday life behind and allowing yourself to let go and become the sub/slave your heart desires.
For example, one dirty cock hungry slut who visits knows that as soon as the door opens he is to go to the dungeon. Once there change into something slutty showing off his cock and ass, puts clothes and belongings in the cupboard. Then when ready he kneels waiting for me to come in and put a collar on it.
That is a very straight forward protocol to start a session, it works because we have built a relationship over time, we know and understand the limits of what we will do. And after a session or between sessions we discuss them, we explore ideas outside the dungeon. This allows sessions to stay focussed on playing.
I have another service-oriented slave who has a very strict protocol, it has a series of house rules that have been agreed upon. These do not need discussing or reminding, it just knows them. I have had several enquiries about Slave for a Day experiences lately (and the occasional weekend) – for those who crave submission and service rather than sexual play these may be something you connect with.
Clothing and choice of clothing is very personal, it is part of who we are – our clothes are an extension of us. In many cases we also use them to communicate our likes, interests or what sort of tribe we consider ourselves.
Taking away that choice of clothing is a perfect and subtle loss of control. Take a slave out shopping or for coffee and choose their clothing. Push them out of their comfort zone maybe, wear something they wouldn’t choose or wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing in public. Nothing like chaps or kink wear, it is not cool to force kink on others (they cannot consent). But it could be as simple as choosing which t-shirt and trousers they wear.
Take away the clothes and they are very exposed – physically and emotionally. Total loss of power and a display of commitment.
My protocol slave isn’t allowed clothes when in my presence in private (hotel room, dungeon or home etc). Unless it is given explicit instructions I expect it naked at all times. This of course comes with some practical considerations – my responsibility is to ensure slaves wellbeing and if it is naked then I must be aware of its body temperature. If it is cold and shivering, I have failed in my own duties – so naked service comes with a price for me, heating bills!
As soon as it arrives in my home it knows it is to wait for instruction. It will walk in, strip naked and carefully place all its clothes into the storage box waiting. The position it waits for instruction in is determined by what it sees in the hallway. Nothing aside the storage box it stands, hands behind back and waits. A folded rectangular towel on floor it kneels and waits, a square folded towel it sits and waits.
If there is a collar waiting it will assume the appropriate position and hold the collar out ready for me to take it and lock onto its neck. Shackles, it will shackle its wrists and ankles again holding the collar waiting for me to lock it on.
This allows it to focus on what it sees as its purpose – to serve and be of service. BDSM Slavery is different for different people, for some it is being used sexually or for sexual pleasure, for others it is to be objectified, to serve and to make their Master’s life easier. However someone submits, and whatever the nature of the play or service getting into that headspace is so critical.
Yesterday was World Mental Health Day (#WMHD2019 or #WorldMentalHealthDay) and there have been so many awesome posts on social media, websites, TV and programmes about mental health. People have been sharing their personal experiences of Mental Health, the obstacles they have overcome, the battles they still fight every day and how their lives have been affected.
Over the past five to ten years mental health awareness has really come on. The phrase “it’s ok to not be ok” is one that I never heard growing up, people are much more comfortable talking about mental health, offering support to others and hopefully asking for help.
Mental health is complicated. Improving and maintaining mental health isn’t easy, and there are countless ways of doing that. And it’s important that we all find the best way for us to help maintain our own health. That could be playing sport, a hobby, a social group, counselling, going to the gym, gaming, work, medication, spa treatments, baking, knitting, gardening, sex or something completely different.
Sex is good for your mental health? Yes it is, but this is not to talk about sex and claim a blow job can solve your anxiety attacks or is some miracle cure – it isn’t! Indeed for some sex is the cause of their mental health issues, this is a blog post to share some stories of my experiences not to be taken as any advice or as offering any solutions.
A part of people’s mental health is their sexual fulfilment, some people don’t need to have sex very often – once or twice a year and they are chilled and relaxed as anything. Others, they need to come at least two times a day or they get really cranky!
And sexual desire is such a strong emotional need in people, it is hard to ignore. Ignoring it can lead to problems in the short term (until you shoot) or even long term mental health problems if you don’t feel satisfied.
For some people a wank to some horny pictures or videos provides short term relief, but they want or often need something more. They need to not just see someone get tied up and choke on a fat dick they need to experience it, to feel it.
But for so many reasons they can’t – their partner isn’t into bondage, they aren’t aggressive enough, they don’t have the leather that makes your dick drool, they don’t have a dick, they aren’t very sexually active, you want someone outside the relationship to take control and ‘abuse’ you (quotes to indicate consensually), you’re too embarrassed/ashamed to ask them, you don’t know how to meet up with someone who does this, you are worried about STI’s and safety, you are single and don’t want anyone to know about your kink, your not sure if you will like it and want to know its ok to say no I changed my mind, you feel your kink is socially taboo, you feel you are too young / old / thin / fat / tall / short / not muscular enough / too musclar to find anyone to play with, why would anyone want to play with someone inexperienced who hasn’t done anything before?
All of these and countless more are reasons clients have booked sessions with me.
All of these are completely valid ways to feel because they are your feelings – if you think you are too fat but I think you have the sexiest body and I tell you will that make a difference in your head? Probably not. If someone else tells you you look like a fat pig will that make a difference in your head? Absolutely. A very negative one!!
One of the things about booking with me, and I hope most sex workers, is that we only make you feel sexy! And in my job, I get to give you one of the most powerful tools in helping maintain mental health – touch!
So yes, sex workers are also mental health workers in some ways. Most of us aren’t qualified in any form of psychological treatment or understanding, but we are very well qualified in good times, in physical times!
So I wanted to share some general stories some of my clients have told me over the years. Examples showing how sex work has had a positive impact on their mental health.
A common reason clients visit me is they have harboured kinky desires for as long as they can remember. But they haven’t been confident or felt embarrassed in exploring them. This frustration has built up a little in their head, they have an itch … just a small one, but this tiny itch doesn’t seem to go away. So one day they pick up the phone and build the courage to say out loud to someone what they desire … the nerves, oh my god you can hear the nerves. Sometimes they are physically shaking on the phone, they say they can’t say because it’s ’embarrassing’. I always say I will never judge, criticise or mock you and I am the one person you can tell this secret to. I am the person you can confide in and know its safe.
The buzz they often get from that, knowing that someone has said “yeah, that sounds horny I look forward to doing it!” is immense. But that is nothing to the rush that can come when they get to experience it!
I remember a few times at the end of a session during aftercare (which takes as long as we need) a few clients have just sat on the floor / chair in a slightly dazed world of sheer bliss. The endorphins are cascading, they are just flying on another world. And that takes some time to come down from, the rush lasts just a few minutes or hours but the overall feeling, clients have told me that can go on for days or even weeks. That release of emotion and energy is a wave that they can just ride on.
I always remember one of my eldest clients would come for occasional sessions when he could, each time making a joke this one could be his last before dying – he was nearly 90. After his second session, he said something to me that has really stuck ever since. He said that when he is on his death bed, when he is looking back on his life he wants to be able to look back at the experiences he had in his life, the memories of special moments that made him feel alive. He told me those times with me, the ones he could never tell anyone about, those were the ones he truly felt alive and would never forget. Material things are important, but when you are reaching the end of your life you realise that the size of your bank account doesn’t really matter at all … but enjoying your life, “living in those moments” means everything.
I’ve had several people come for a series of sessions, some over a few weeks, some over a few months or years. But they have all had one thing in common … a desire to explore their kinky side. But not really sure how.
When anyone looks at my website, twitter etc and decides they feel confident in paying me to do this it is both a huge honour and responsibility for me! And one that I take seriously, it has to be a positive experience for them. They are starting down a road with a map they may not be able to read or so many routes to go down they don’t know where to go.
To see people come, so nervous, talking those first steps and then seeing them going to some of the biggest fetish clubs and events in the country, to building their own kink lives both online and in person. To see how happy they are, enjoying their newly found confidence and interests in kink, leather, rubber, puppies, big ass toys is incredible. I may not benefit ‘financially’ from these people any more, I have done my job, but I still get so much joy from seeing those introductions did something so positive for them.
I have married clients with families that are their worlds. But they have this itch, something that they need to explore. A place they need to escape to, to leave their daily lives at the door and just let go of all responsibility and control. I may only know them by an assumed first name, they only know me as Sir. But I also know that since they began seeing me their lives have improved immensely, they feel less stressed, less anxious, less depressed.
A little valve is opened every so often to let out all the negative emotions and feelings. These men are so dedicated to their partners they would never want to cheat on them. They don’t want or need a relationship with someone else, they just need some physical release and action that is outside their daily lives – they need to escape for a few hours. Sometimes after a session ends they have feelings of guilt wash over them, but they know I am here to talk to them about it if they wish in the hours, days or weeks afterwards. Not as a counsellor, but as someone who has shared some experiences and has an understanding of others in the same situation as them. But they have all said that guilt gives way to happiness, happiness in being able to continue with their lives and loved ones without worry or compromise. Knowing that they won’t be found on Tinder, Grindr, Recon or having to escape somewhere with the worry and risk of STI’s they would have to explain.
And finally, there have been a couple of moments that have meant more to me than anything. Some very different long term clients who I have got to know quite well. After sessions, we always enjoy a chat and a brew – putting the world to right. Every so often we will be discussing life, sessions or wherever the topic has taken us, and then they just happen to mention I had saved their lives.
One day while at home they did a search on Google for some advice or help, and for whatever reason found my website and booked a session. Then several months or years later after a session they tell me that they were planning on killing themselves. In one case a few days after their session with me.
But seeing me, for being able to enjoy some time, the physical experience and touch was so powerful for them it was transformational for their mental health. The clouds started to clear, very slowly (but enough) at first, but then they just started to blow away. Oh they come back, but never as thick or dark as before. But they feel much more able to work through the dark times now.
Knowing that doing something you love to do has helped people is amazing and something special.
I’m not saying visiting an escort will solve mental health! I am saying, for some it helps them. And I am also saying if you are struggling to any degree reach out to someone.
That could be a friend, a colleague, a therapist, a bartender, a fuck bud, a Master, a boy, a dog (bio or human), a helpline, a social media post, or yes a sex worker.
Whoever or whatever that help is please reach for it. If you feel there is no escape, if you feel that suicide is your only way out please pick up the phone and call 116 123 and talk. You won’t be judged, you won’t be traced, you won’t be told “don’t do it”, but you will be listened to. Before you do whatever it is you want to do please do me a favour, just wait five minutes. And in those five minutes call 116 123 and have a chat.
See how you feel afterwards.
If you need to talk to someone then in the UK you can call The Samaritans on 116 123 any time – any time of day or night any day of the year. Mental health doesn’t have a day off just because its Christmas or a bank holiday.
There is an assumption that you can only call them if you are really depressed, really suffering or even suicidal. These are all myths! Anyone can call them at any time, if you are just having a stressful time and want to talk to get it off your chest they are there to listen. They may be able to point you to organisations or sites that help, but they aren’t going to judge you, to tell you to pull yourself together, they are there to listen to you and give you the time and space to say what you want completely confidentially.
And by confidential it really is, the volunteer at the end of the phone has no way of seeing your phone number.
It’s good to talk.